Living with Erythrophobia

I am not unbreakable – and that’s okay!

It’s midday on a workday and I’m still in my jammies.  Which isn’t as bad as it sounds, since I work from home – but I usually get dressed to do so. Because I value myself and it makes me feel good. Like I’m a grown-up. Like I’m somebody living a fabulous, meaningful life.

Like I’m unbreakable.

I’ve not been getting dressed a lot, lately. Things have been happening that make me feel fragile. Like, what the hell do I have to get dressed for?

What’s the point?

I’m feeling breakable.

And I’ve been feeling like that’s a bad thing. Like I should be invincible. Always strong. Ready to take on anything, all the time. Able to be optimistic about anything. Positive outlook. Glass half full.

I should be unbreakable. Always.

Know the feeling? Like you’re weak for letting life get you down after it has thrown you a couple of curveballs?

Well, I call bullshit on that feeling, that myth.

I am not unbreakable.

Like Lorelai in episode 3 of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life. Maybe that’s why that song gets to me so hard. I know exactly how she feels in that scene.

I’m actually totally breakable, too.

But you know what I realized today? That’s absolutely okay.

I won’t bother you with the cheerleader spiel; the time-heals-all-wounds, the you-gotta-know-the-lows-to-appreciate-the-highs, the a-positive-outlook-leads-to-a-positive-life. I’m sure you’ve heard them all before, just like I have. And, just like me, they’re not worth two licks in those moments when you’re feeling like you’re about to break. They don’t help. They just make you feel more like a failure.

I will however, here and now, advise you this: When you’re feeling breakable, don’t fight it till you burst. Until all you feel is the pressure of keeping it together, of not breaking. Instead, let yourself break!

Because if you do, I promise, things will start to get better.

2017-04-18_I am not unbreakable

Really own it:

I AM NOT UNBREAKABLE.

I’M BREAKING RIGHT NOW.

IT’S OKAY TO BREAK.

I let myself break these last few months. More than once. It’s what I felt in the moment, and I let myself feel it.

And now I’m ready to feel strong again. Which is why I’m going to get out of my jammies and into something fabulous right now.

Just remember: It’s okay to break. You won’t feel broken forever.

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